'The big dating lie all women tell'
Well, it's that time of the year again. The time when Hallmark ads spam your google searches, florists, supermarkets and even petrol stations prepare for a floral explosion and every singleton stocks up on wine to sob the night away.
Yes, sigh, it's Valentine's Day.
As a perennially single person, the week leading up to the dreaded V-Day is usually spent quickly swiping right on the apps, in the hopes of receiving a floral delivery to my workplace by someone I've managed to quickly go on a successful date with.
Surely this has to be the year?! Spoiler: It won't be.
RELATED: Mortifying moment with 'unicorn' man
Now, there are a few ways you can handle this year as a singleton.
You can either grab your closest girlfriends, a few bottles of wine and sob-watch The Notebook and pondering why you haven't managed to meet you own Noah. He wrote to her every day for a year and I can't even get a text back!
You could also go on a panic date with a fellow singleton in the hope that those extra romantic vibes floating around in the air will rub off on the two of you, and you can laugh years down the track at your bravado of going on a first date on Valentine's Day.
Or you can do what oh so many singletons do … you can pretend to ignore the day all together and tell anyone who asks that you "don't believe in Valentine's Day".
I'm calling it people … that third option is complete and utter BS! I refuse to believe anyone who says they don't "believe" in Valentine's Day. Liar, liar, pants on fire!
I am yet to see a bunch of flowers arrive at the desk of someone in a new relationship and hear them sigh and say out loud: "Oh, how ridiculous, I don't want flowers on such a silly day!" Nope, what I do see is a big goofy grin subconsciously take over their entire face, and happiness absolutely beam from them.
Throughout the day this person will look at those gorgeous blooms sitting on her desk and just smile like a six-year-old schoolgirl. It's marvellous! (Trust me, even if I am unjustifiably jealous, I am still chuffed for you, girlfriend.)
So, it's been about six years since I had a Valentine. Actually, there was a guy about three years ago who I had been seeing for a couple of weeks and the only day we could see each other that week was on V-Day and so I secretly hoped he would turn up to dinner with a rose. Instead, he rocked up in boardies and said, "Yeah I thought about getting you a rose, but got busy. Sorry."
He got busy. Umm … hello my dear friend the big red flag, we meet again.
Ladies, if he can't swing by a petrol station and at least pick you up one single red rose at the start of a relationship, is he really that into you. No, no he is not.
A few years before that, I had a bloke buy me a bunch of lilies and turn up at my work to drop them off. I wasn't dating him, but I was working for the Footy Show back then and it turns out he was looking for a good excuse to come to my work and meet the footy boys.
And you know what, I don't care! Because for an entire day I got to look at some pretty flowers and feel a little bit included.
So just like I don't believe that a break-up can ever be "mutual", I genuinely don't believe that there is anyone out there who "doesn't believe in Valentine's Day".
Oh, how the girls and I have b*tched about the bloke who didn't buy our lovely friend a bunch of flowers for Valentine's Day during their first year of dating. And oh, how we've swooned over a beloved boss who has double checked with his PA that she ordered his wife a gorgeous bunch of blooms to arrive on that special day.
I adore watching big masculine blokes blush as they walk quickly back to their cars with a big bunch of flowers from the florist, and I've gleefully helped a male friend get the wording right for that special V-Day card.
So the next time someone tells you that they "don't believe in Valentine's Day" judge them highly and ask them whether they also don't like puppies, or cuddles or anything that remotely warms the ol' cockles of a beating heart.
Because every party has a pooper, and buddy if you can't take five minutes to pick up something sweet to let your loved one know you care, then it's you. You are the pooper.
Now swallow your pride, embrace the romance of it all for just one day, and put in a little effort. I promise you it won't go unrewarded. Even if she tells you, "Oh we don't need to celebrate Valentine's Day". Lies. You do.
Originally published as Big dating lie all women tell