Dad's hilarious texts to wife after toddler vomits in car
HE was driving his kids home when his toddler vomited.
Vomiting himself as he tries to clean him up, a spectator calls police because she thinks he's drunk.
The police show up and ask him to do a breathalyser. Meanwhile, his son is still throwing up in the back seat of the car.
Ben Patterson's frantic text messages to his wife, Stephanie documenting this hilarious series of events have gone viral.
The Californian entrepreneur posted screenshots of the messages on Facebook. They've been shared thousands of times.
It all began after Ben met Stephanie and swapped cars so she could go out with friends.
Driving home and his toddler son, Declan vomits on himself.
A self-confessed "sympathetic vomiter", Ben pulls over and is trying not to "throw up myself" as he cleans him up.
He fails: "I just threw up trying to clean him up," he wrote. "It smells so bad."
He is "dry heaving" on the side of the road because he "can't even be in the car it's so awful" when a lady asks him if he's drunk.
"I'm puking on some lady's lawn...and she comes out to ask if I'm drunk while driving the kids.
"I'm trying to explain I'm a sympathetic vomiter and can't handle the smell."
The woman obviously doesn't believe Ben because she calls the police.
"Aaaand now the cops have showed up," he wrote.
They get him to blow into the breathalyser. Meanwhile, Declan "continues to barf".
"What did he eat because it smells like rotting whale blubber," he says.
Ben passes the breathalyser test and drives home "with the windows down and breathing through my shirt".
Since posting the messages on Facebook, Ben said he has been inundated with text, emails and calls.
The story has made news all over the world.
FULL TRANSCRIPT OF TEXT MESSAGES:
[Photo of son covered in vomit] "So this just happened.
"I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself.
"I just threw up trying to clean him up.
"It smells SO bad.
"I'm standing on the side of the road dry heaving, I can't even be in the car it's so awful.
"I seriously don't know what to do, I'm barfing every time I try to clean him up.
"I'm puking on some lady's lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask me if I'm drunk while driving the kids.
"I'm trying to explain that I'm a sympathetic vomiter and can't handle the smell.
"This is SO BAD.
"Aaaand now the cops showed up.
"Because they have nothing better to do in Burlingame.
"Aaaaand now a breathalyser.
"YOU OWE ME SO BIG.
"Meanwhile Declan continues to barf.
"WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER.
"ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!!
"At least I passed the breathalyser.
"Trying to drive home with the windows down and breathing through my shirt."