Strange Politics: Unwrap PM for less waffle, more meat
COME tomorrow when we unwrap the presents, the trinkets, perfumes, socks and gag-gifts, one Australian will be more satisfied than the rest of us with tearing off his gaudy wrapping and tossing it aside.
At least for a little while.
It has been a big year for Prime Minister Malcolm "Monocle" Turnbull, who has had to wear an ugly inhuman wrapper every time he has fronted a press conference or yapping shock jock.
That wrapper is a suit of armour for the Prime Minister, ensuring that he continues to avoid the slings and arrows from his conservative colleagues.
The suit doesn't fit the Prime Minister so well, and when it slips, it allows us to sneak a glimpse of what lies beneath.
In this case, it is the self-made millionaire whose inflated ego matches his intimidating intellect.
Under the suit of dead eyes and waffle-talk is a man who once backed a free vote in Parliament for same-sex marriage honouring the gay former High Court Justice Michael Kirby.
His throwaway comments as a backbencher made us plebs wonder why an onion-eating brawler was sitting on the gilded throne and not Mr Moneybags. The brawler's support had long rotted away in the bottom of the thunderbox.
But power forced Malcolm into costume.
In his braver moments, he wondered about considering changes to negative gearing or to the emissions trading scheme.
Both were thoroughly smacked back into the shadows by angry-pants colleagues.
The same-sex marriage plebiscite has been a debacle and almost cost Australia half a billion dollars, despite the Prime Minister supporting equality.
This month he spruiked Australia's future as potential republic. Right on cue, a surly Eric Abetz complained it was not a real issue.
Abetz knows about real issues. He has spent much of the year complaining about 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act which affects an enormous 0.001% of the population.
Of course Tony Abbott wore his own human suit. It no doubt lives in a box marked "In case of resurrection".
His second skin, however, was designed to hide his instincts. Remember the flags? The decision to throw a knighthood at a prince whose list of 19 or more titles starts with "His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth, Baron Greenwich, Royal Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter..."?
Abbott's suit was polished flesh to obscure his intentions and ideology. Monocle's second skin is scaled and obscures whatever made him popular in the first place.
Tomorrow I hope to unwrap a fancy watch to call me names and humiliate me as I exercise.
Perhaps our Prime Minister will unwrap some courage and shed the suit.