Ugly future of bitter Meg tell-all
The royal family is known for introducing global trends that define a decade - but the latest move is something any celebrity with a less successful sibling should be afraid of.
Meghan Markle's mouthy sister Samantha has finally made good on her promise of a tell-all book about life living in the Duchess' shadow in what is the literary equivalent of screaming, "I'm telling mum!"
First thoughts on The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister: A Memoir, Part One? The title could've been workshopped a little longer. Also, a two-parter seems a bit excessive when the first instalment itself could've just been a blog post. But bitter siblings cannot be stopped.
Samantha's unauthorised tell-all could blaze a trail for other spiteful celebrity siblings and usher in a hot new literary genre: sib-lit.
First there was chick-lit and lad-lit. But sib-lit will go to places those other genres can't: the embarrassing pasts of celebrities, retold by the people who resent them most.
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Samantha has made it her life's mission to annihilate Meghan by broadcasting her judgments and insults from the sidelines. Just when the 39-year-old starts to relax, Samantha pops up on a weird TV chat show like a really opinionated whack-a-mole.
"Meghan has not seen Samantha for years so the idea that she is worried about the book is nonsense," a friend told Vanity Fair. "Meghan barely knows Samantha, they haven't seen each other for nearly 20 years."
And that's precisely what makes a bestselling sib-lit novel: Completely one-sided accounts about a famous person by their less-successful sibling who barely knows them.
Long-held grudges are the cornerstone of future sib-lit classics. Siblings remember all the most humiliating childhood tales and have had decades to marinate in the resentment of past arguments. Entire chapters can be dedicated to who ate the last Tim Tam and left the empty packet in the fridge.
It's so exciting that we're finding new ways to commercialise bitterness. It's all about entrepreneurialism in 2021.
Until now, there have been limited platforms for bitter siblings to dole out their complaints and general trash talk - it's usually just drunk Christmas dinners. Now that the celebrity sib-lit genre is taking off, it won't be long before DIY online publishing services will start making it easier for us regular folks to jump on board.
Write your own one-sided tell-all about the sibling who annoys you most and distribute copies to everyone at family birthdays and events. The beauty of it is that, if they want right of reply, they have to spend time writing their own one-sided tell-all and, by then, you'll have already printed Part Two like Samantha.
Obviously publishers will now be looking for the next big sib-lit smash. Locally, Dannii Minogue would just be a star of the sib-lit genre. Same with Mercedes Corby.
Peter Stefanovic has always had a touch of the Samantha Markles. He could bury Karl with inside perspective about his brother's fall from grace.
Mimi Macpherson probably has her own two-part tell-all about Elle already written.
Antonia Kidman would obviously be a real get but she seems like she'd hold back on the good stuff. I'll just step in and ghostwrite that one myself.
And that older, less successful Hemsworth brother finally has a purpose! This is so great for him. We'll get a double serve with the Chris and Liam tell-all. Maybe that one can be a flip book.
Top tip to all celebrities living in fear that their less successful siblings are about to expose them: offer to voice your own character in the audiobook version. Just do it. You no longer have the upper hand.
Originally published as Ugly future of bitter Meg tell-all